Reindeer Crap, a.k.a. Easy No-Bake Gluten-Free Christmas Cookies
And here’s where we risk losing some readers, but you know, there are times when one just has to remember the wise words, “To thine own self be true.” Well, apparently half of my Self, culinarily speaking, is a 12 year old boy. But I cannot help it, this slays me. (Or shall I say SLEIGHS ME?)
Ah, a charming Christmas scene. The holiday hearth, featuring stockings hung with care, some new toys, and the traditional milk and cookies left out for Santa, partially consumed in a gesture of holiday veritas. And a cute litt . . . wait, WHAT IS THAT IN THE LOWER RIGHT CORNER?
Let’s take a closer look . . .
Is that what it looks like??
Yes, it is. Santa’s reindeer left behind a little treat of their own. But being magical creatures, their droppings are made of chocolate, nut butter, cashews, oats, coconut – and of course, pretty red and green Christmas sprinkles. What’s not to love?
Background: My world was forever changed when I first happened upon the infamous “kitty litter cake”, which I have made several times in the past decade with appalling verisimilitude, the more detail the better. And you’ve seen some of my other theme foods here as well.
About 4 years ago when Donna and I were first promoting “101 Things To Do With Tofu”, we appeared on Salt Lake City’s Radio From Hell show, where they were in the midst of a holiday recipe extravaganza, complete with their own recipe collection, made up to look just like one of those church fundraiser collections (I love reading those from different regions), and after the appearance, we both got copies. Included was a recipe for some cookies called . . . Bear Crap. I made the easy no-bake recipe the next day, and, true to title, looked quite realistic. Placed in the right context, I’ll bet anyone would carefully step over it. They were also totally delicious! And, fortuitously, it’s already effortlessly gluten-free.
So, I was randomly leafing through that collection recently, and remembered the recipe (which concluded “Enjoy your fresh bear crap,”) and it suddenly occurred to me that it would make a perfect Christmas cookie recipe, presented anew as originating in a reindeer rather than a bear. I made a couple of changes, including the addition of Christmasy sprinkles (reminiscent of that glittery canned unicorn meat), of course, and I share it with you today.
So, this is obviously not for everyone, but I’m pretty excited about incorporating it into my annual traditions for Lily, who, at 2 and a half, isn’t quite old enough to get it yet, but eventually she will be. If you’re game, try it out on your own kids for a fun new Christmas morning surprise! Should you really want to make an impact, I recommend taking a bite first yourself, once they’ve identified the droppings and are shrieking with delight/disgust.
REINDEER CRAP COOKIES
1/2 cup butter (Earth Balance or coconut oil for vegans)
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup milk of your choice
4 tablespoons cocoa powder
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup rolled oats (I used Bob’s gluten-free variety)
1 cup shredded coconut
1/2 cup cashews
1/2 cup nut butter (I used my favorite, Sunbutter)
1-2 teaspoons each red and green sprinkles, or more, to desired sparkliness
Melt butter or coconut oil in a small saucepan over medium heat. Add sugar and stir until dissolved. Add the milk of your choice and the cocoa powder and bring to a gentle boil for about 2 or 3 minutes. Remove from heat and add in vanilla. Stir in oats, coconut, cashews, nut butter and sparkly sprinkles. While still warm, scoop onto a baking sheet lined with wax or parchment paper and chill until set. Present as hilariously as possible.
Alternately, you could roll them into, er, ‘log’ shapes, if you feel that’s more what reindeer treats would look like – having never seen one, I cannot advise either way. It’s purely an aesthetic choice. Like so:
Rudolph, the red-nosed reindeer
had some very sparkly poo,
And if you ever taste it,
you would change your point of view!
Enjoy your fresh reindeer crap.
– posted by Anne